


Forgive-you-not

by Jay_Day



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst, Gender-Neutral Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Gender-Neutral Pronouns, I am sorry for the bros but like, Lesson 16 (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) Spoilers, MC kinda lost it a bit, Nightmares, Now including art!, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Second Person, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Psychological Trauma, bit of a vent fic and a bit of a fix-it, they messed with the wrong person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25544650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jay_Day/pseuds/Jay_Day
Summary: The power they had over you. They power he used against you. He didn’t know who he was messing with. He didn’t know who could lie behind those sensitive eyes and that calm and understanding person. Because really, he was the first to experience it.
Relationships: Asmodeus & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphegor & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lucifer & Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character & Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character & Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 116





	1. Drowning on the Pyre

There is a sudden tightness in your chest. A burning sensation that swallows you up and drowns out every single breath you take. With every passing second the world around you gets darker as you are set alight. You are being both pulled apart and being constrained in such a way that life itself flows languidly and yet far too quickly out of you. And ever present there is one single voice laughing at your ear, burning, and suffocating. 

_“It really is ironic!”_

Suddenly you startle up, breaching the surface of the water, quelling the fire. You gasp for breath as you realize that you just woke up from a nightmare, one of those that have been plaguing you ever since the day you felt yourself give in to unconsciousness. Ever since your life turned into a mere joke.And now it seems that your lungs, tired as they are from the constant phantom suffocation, can’t get enough oxygen. In and out and up and down and breathe and breathe and yet you know you are inhaling oxygen but it feels like an ocean! As his hands grip around you and suffocate you and you have to get them off get them off get them off get them offgetthemoffgetthemoffgetthemoffGETTHEMOFF

GET

THEM 

OFF


	2. Another Bite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter how many filters you have, or how much training you’ve been through. Things always slip.

It really is ironic….

That the one who keeps you awake if the avatar of Sloth.

  
  


You get to breakfast at the expected time, same routine, same steps. Smile, “good morning,” sit down, eat. They are talking around you but you pay no mind, if they ask you just say you stayed up late playing video games, nothing more. You smile, act polite, speak when spoken to. A clever ruse that was developed years before this and that has come in handy quite a few times. Lying, faking, and following routine. Things you are an expert at. At some point Mammon picks conversation with you, and you answer something or the other enough to satisfy his needs. 

That’s something else you are good at. Satisfying others needs. No wonder teachers love the way you write. Because everything that leaves your mouth, or is printed on paper is meticulously crafted for that individual thanks to your observation skills.

You know what people want.

You know what people hate.

You know when to push.

You know when to back down.

You study character.

You provide what they want.

And then someone calls your name and you answer, take a few bites of whatever has been put on your plate and smile. Make enough eye contact with whoever is talking as to not seem distracted or detached. Another bite. Nod to the question. Another bite. Ask a simple question. Another bite. Nod to the response. Another bite.

And then Levi enters the room. Mammon responding exasperatedly to his appearance, apparently he is late. You don't know the time. Asmo doubles down on the statement, then marking a question. You chided in with your own response acting as a muffler and at the same time showing enough engagement to be called normal. They continue talking. You measure your words. They continue talking. Apparently Beel ate Levi’s food; an opportunity to get rid of yours without raising suspicion. 

The opportunity doesn’t land, you're still stuck with your food and whatever sweet thing Asmo offered, which is chided away by a “I can't eat sweets in the morning”

And then he is there.

Just waltzing in casually.

Acting so casually.

The air stills.

Get away from me.

You would be angry if you weren’t also somewhat terrified.

He looks tired.

Serves him right.

You should respond to appease the brothers.

Be a connection.

He doesn’t deserve that.

  
  


_ “Didn’t get enough sleep last night?” _

The words rush out of your mouth before you even think it through, an edge of some repressed emotion in your words that stutter you out of your routine daze and thrusts you into a world that is too loud. Your heart pounds too hard and you breath shortens but you have to resist the pull-

“Nah, I slept fine. But I’m tired.”Belphegor responds, and anger flares up inside you. Hot and boiling because-

_ IT ISN'T FAIR _

The brothers continue without you. Talking to  _ him _ so easily that it makes you wonder if they just forgot that you were even there. That you were killed by the same person they wish to now play tea party with. 

Is my life worth nothing?

Am I really just here to fix their problems and be discarded?

Does my suffering mean nothing?

  
  


“-chiko? Coming with?” 

You quickly glance up to see Asmodeus looking at you expectantly. 

“Yep.” You say as you stand quickly as you can, but slow enough to not seem desperate. You smile.

You always smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, this is a bit different from my usual writing style but I think it fits the mood of the story. Jumpy thoughts and cuts. But I’m not sure if its like,,,, good. So I’d appreciate any comments y’all have just to know if I should keep this style or change it up. Thanks!


	3. The Ravaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mind can be your worst enemy, or your greatest weapon.

It really is ironic….

How he follows you around like a lost dog.

You should forgive.

I can’t.

You should forget.

_I’m trying._

But it seems that every corner you turn he is there. He is there in your first class. He is there in your second class. He is there, and there, and there, and everywhere. Everyone avoids him leaving a vast expanse where the only two gravitating around is you and him. And you cant. You want to turn away but the gravity pulls and pushes and he is so close so close so close and the world is so dark. 

It's not fair

It’s better if I just move on.

_I CAN'T DO IT!_

You can understand why he did it, he was angry.

**IT DOESN’T EXCUSE IT!**

You also get angry.

But…

I’ve never killed an innocent before. 

The mind is a storm. Winds blowing at unrighteous speeds crossing and destroying everything. Every single good moment in the Devildom is replaced by the fact that you are utterly _helpless_. 

_What can a human do in a world of demons?_

You can’t fight physically.

Or magically.

Or emotio-

Wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughh, sorry this took so long I had no inspiration. And I know the chapters are short but there is a reason for that, can any of you guess why?


	4. The Switch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part of you think that maybe, when you died... maybe a piece of you got lost in oblivion.

It was the last class and he sat next to you.

It really is ironic.

He sat next to me. And he doesn’t know what he is messing with. These past 5 hours and he doesn’t know. No one knows.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“Hmm… I've got to say, I’m surprised.” He starts. “I thought for sure that if a human exchange student came to the Devildom, they’d be shaking in their boots down here. But you seem like you’re right at home here”

Oh honey you don't know.

~~A demon can come in many ways.~~

I smile at him.

Make him think I care.

“Well it wasn’t always like this, took a bit to get used to it. But I think I’m doing better now. It was quite the hard road to get here.” 

He smiles.

~~Maybe I should-~~

_WHAT AN IDIOT!_

He smiles.

He laughs.

“Yeah I bet.”

You sure do, don't ya?

“Compared to you, I’m not doing nearly as well”

~~He’s t-~~

_And you will soon be even worse._

“I mean, you must have noticed, right? How everyone is so guarded around me?”

And oh have you noticed. How you noticed the halls grow quiet as he approaches. How you notice demons quickly turning tail as the halls grow denser and denser. Yes, yes you have noticed. Noticed the awkwardness that plagues him. How you are the only one not moving back anymore, not trying to run. 

And oh, how you are going to use that against him.

_HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA_

“...Well,” he begins to speak once more. “Maybe guarded isn’t the right word, but… it feels like they’re keeping their distance from me. You know what I mean? It’s like they’re walking on eggshells around me. ...I guess that's just the way it is, huh? After what I did, I shouldn’t expect any less.”

~~Then why are you talking to me?~~

Oh how he thinks this is all he deserves.

**_These demons don't know HALF of it._ **

“I wonder if we can ever go back to the way things used to be..”

~~He’s sorry.~~

**Revenge**.

You look at him in the eyes, those beautiful eyes shining with sorrow and loss. Those eyes who wish to go back, to be happy. 

_YOU ARE TOO LATE FOR THAT._

You look at those eyes and smile, and you can see in how his expression shifts that he believes it, he believes your act and your heated smile as you answer.

“You can, yes.”

Because facing rejection once you have hope breaks the soul forever more. Because toying with the mind can be more powerful than any punch ever thrown. Because you are the only one smiling at him right now and when everything reaches its peak.

**_I WILL BREAK HIM_ **

But for now you smile… you wait. You set things up like an intricate game of chess in which your opponent will never escape from. I pit of endless despair of which you will ensure he _never_ escapes.

So you smile.

You smile as he answers.

“You’re trying to make me feel better, aren’t you?”

~~I’m sorry…~~

_I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER._

Smile.

Nod.

And he replies.

“Well, either way, I can't help noticing that **you** don't seem to be afraid of me… are you?”

_It really is ironic isn’t it?_

~~Yes I’m afraid-~~

I don’t fear you because nothing you can do to me will outweigh the repercussions you sad, sad little boy.

“After everything I did, and everything I put you through…”

Yes.

Think about it.

Feel the guilt

Feel the _hate._

Seeing all that will be so much sweeter than just telling you our right.

The wallowing.

Knowing you don't deserve forgiveness.

I'll make sure you feel it.

I’ll make sure you suffer.

After all is said and done…

_I’m the one you should fear._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m working on an animatic related to this fic. Ill make sure to tell y’all when I’m finished!


	5. Sweet Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes one shouldn’t spend time on wasteful dreams.

It’s been hours.

Hours of thinking and planning and picking apart. As you lay in a bed you don't feel, you reach deep inside for every single memory, every single word, every single action you can recall of the demon brothers. You reach, you take, and you dismantle, neatly, into rows and columns categorizing expressions and feelings and key words to their corresponding line. A list as far as the eye can go and as meticulously detailed as you could make it. It was a full psychological repertoire of the seven demon brothers. They likes, dislikes, weaknesses, strengths, questions, comebacks, expressions, mannerisms, actions.

All of it.

For anyone looking from the outside you’d bee seen as if you were sleeping peacefully, breath even, body relaxed into plush feathery pillows. But you aren’t sleeping, god knows you can’t. It would be time wasted on unselect nightmares and remembering of the reason you are doing this. 

No.

I don't need that.

And so you have been. Laying and thinking. Meticulously planning every word that will be uttered. Meticulously strategizing every action, and with whom. 

A small flinch every time someone touches you from a blind spot, with an immediately sorry just to feed worry and doubt. 

After a few of those, at least one with every brother I’ll sit them all down together begging to not be touched followed by a sorry. But that's not enough, instead come back and double down that no, “Sorry, actually, um…. forget I said anything I should, I should really be over this already I’m sorry I… I think I’m going to go to my room.” They’ll feel guilty, and if any of them is strong willed enough you’ll just triple it down on more alone time.

After the whole debacle I leave, at least one of them will try to follow. Bonus if 6 of them do. I’m sure Belphegor will get the message. He is rash and uncouth, but not stupid. And even if he does, a few looks making sure whoever followed see will give the signal for whoever followed (Most probably Mammon, poor little lost puppy mammon) to get Belphegor to walk away.

The ones who don't follow will still be plagued by the fact that now they have to be more wary of their actions, which leaves them vulnerable and searching my every physical action, vulnerable and thinking too much about me.

Vulnerable and trying to keep me away from my “fears”

Belphegor will be distanced.

But that's all vague and basic.

You want more.

Need more.

_They need to suffer._

And so goes the night's lovely simphony. A cacophony of ideas that unwillingly bring a smile to your face. The hours pass, and with that so goes dwindling any sense of guilt or remorse. You feed on hatred, you feed on suffering. And you can't wait till the day when Belphegor pays the price, and you get to utter those same words he spoke that night.

_It really is ironic!_


	6. Petals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to get this show on the road

Morning comes with the refreshing smell of honeydew and roses, a complete contradiction to the darkened thoughts running through your head. Images of beautiful flowers mourning loss and growing black and bleak bring you joy. The thought of beautiful fields being burned by your sole match have you ecstatic. 

_It really is ironic!_

Aconite

Buttercup

Petunia

Begonia

Impatiens

Cyclamen

Amaranthus

They all burn helplessly.

Who is the weak one now?

With this you get out of bed, bones creaking and protesting movement, nerves screaming and pleading. But you can’t wait, there are important things to be done. And so the day begins, going through the boring and mechanical morning routine, yes leaving certain things out. Hair slightly messy, eyes with dark bags under them. You bite your bottom lip a few times until it bleeds and smile, you have to make it believable don’t you? 

There is an audience watching after all.

You approach your door and breath in…

_Time to get this show on the road._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry the chapter was so short, its the whole motif change that had me forced to do so. But in other news. ART! By me! Uwu
> 
> I also might make a discord Server but thats up to debate.


	7. And So The Mantis Prays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You didn’t expect it to be so easy.

The slow creak of an old wooden door opening. The shallow and purposeful steps on aged floor. A sudden breeze smelling of freshly picked roses. A soft clack on tiled flooring. Such is as you make your way to the dining room, up and about so early, down for the count so quickly. Your steps are slow and measured, every click and clack of your shoes having a purpose. Like that you traverse the halls, looking solemn and tired, but being energized and ready. 

You can hear ruffling from certain rooms, alarms going off inside another. Demons waking up and being so weak and humane, that you wonder where all their superiority complex comes from. Of course you know though, the titles and powers make them feel quite invincible… especially from a simple human. Especially from you. 

And you smile.

You approach the dining room with a shallow gate and drooped shoulders, head down and arms lax at your side. A perfect image of “I’m tired, and maybe even distressed” for anyone watching that has escaped your focused eyes.

You reach the broad dark door and slowly push it open. And to your surprise, Lucifer is already there. Sitting, contemplating. His eyes are closed and he is holding his hands over the table.

He is having a problem.

He is deep in thought.

Good.

The door slams shut behind you making Lucifer turn to you, and making you flinch… all according to plan, all being an act. You open your eyes to see Lucifer examining you, and it's your turn. 

“Sorry Lucifer, I didn’t mean to startle you.” You said, innocence and anxiety fakely coating your voice. “You seemed deep in thought, don't let me distract you!” And give a soft yet hesitant smile. 

Act too distant, and it will not be believable.

Act to close and your words will fall apart.

It is such a beautiful balance.

Such a beautiful symphony. 

And he smiles back, sighing. He looks down at his interwoven hands and lets go, looking back up at you.

He is letting go of his worries to pay attention to you. 

Good.

“You are up earlier than usual today,” Lucifer speaks, softer than usual. 

And that means there is a high probability I was who he was thinking about.

Good.

“Ah, yeah I couldn’t really sleep well” You reply matching his soft tone, yet avoiding eye contact. 

‘Your afraid’ he will think.

But he will have no clear answer, and be too prideful to respond.

Oh how easy it is to exploit their sins. 

~~You honestly kind of feel bad.~~

  
  


From the corner of your eyes you can see his gaze drift away from yours and focus on a corner of the room. 

Contemplating.

Thinking of his next move.

I already have him figured out.

Good.

The prideful demon turns back to you and speaks. “Sit down Nichiko. How about we chat while we wait for the others?”

A question.

Not a command.

How unlike him.

.

.

.

.

.

“What are you thinking about Lucifer?”

You say before your brain catches up. But it's okay, because it has its branching pathways to work with. More weaknesses you can learn, or more silence you can turn against him. You have to account for misplaced words and how to play with them.

God, how fun it is to break down someone’s pride!

He looks away, and this time you realize that he isn’t looking at a random corner, but at the door. He is looking at an escape…

He is vulnerable.

You slowly approach the table, making sure your footsteps are heard, so that the ever bright morning star knows you are approaching. That you are here.

_That he cannot escape you._

You drag out the chair across from him and carefully sit down. At this time he has probably turned his attention back to you, not wanting to seem either distanced or vulnerable. As you slowly glance up you can see that yes, his usually fierce, yet now soft gaze is set on you. And you smile. 

It really is a funny sight for anyone who can see what really is going on. A tired demon who is too prideful to understand raw power isn’t all there is. That you can never underestimate your opponent, because they can take that one moment of weakness and cut you down. 

It really is ironic! 

Isn’t it, Morning Star?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Join my discord server! https://discord.gg/7jvgWA4
> 
> I’m available for any writing help, editing, proofreading, and anything like that, I also take requests to make art for stories from time to time! I’d really like to get to talk to some fellow obey me! fans! And like, this isn’t an obey me specific server, it’s just kinda general and I will from time to time post things from my original works and I enjoy when others show me theirs! I hope you consider joining, it would be fun!


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